"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
