somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
