You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
