Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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