i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Two words: nipple clamps
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