I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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