if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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