Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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