I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
