me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
