I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
