You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation