I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win