she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions