I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends