so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.