i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
