Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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