Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
