I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
