From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
