I think im going to throw up on grandma
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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