Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
