did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
