we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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