she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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