Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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