i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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