We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
