i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
