wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
