Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need a beard to bite.
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