I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
