sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
