How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
