i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
