thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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