tell your sister to shave her snatch
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
