If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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