Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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