I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
