You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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