OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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