Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
