Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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