What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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