6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
