I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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