all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize