The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have feelings that need drinking.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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