i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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