Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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