Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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