I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
