I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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