there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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