When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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